This week was very emotional. I had many hurdles this week. Some good and well one (depend how you look at it). I realized alot about myself this week and all in all I’m very proud of me this week. My horizon is bright and I’m focused on ME, MYSELF AND I. Ready to enjoy Fall and the upcoming holidays with my family and my new name.
Lyric of the Week: “Voy a reir, voy a bailar! Vivir mi vida, lalalala. Voy a reir, voy a gozar! Vivir mi vida lalalala” Vivir Mi Vida- Marc Anthony
Monday through Thursday: Spent this week in Charlotte on a leadership conference. (28 hours of class and saw NONE of Charlotte) But I can’t neglect my work horizon. Came back with 4 (count ’em FOUR) new ideas I want to implement. Felt I said some great things to my boss and am ready to take myself to the next level. Hopefully, that level comes with more pay too. I think I should have been a pilot. So at home up here in the clouds.
Friday: Honored and completely jazzed to witness my town’s first LEGAL same sex wedding. Damn right I support it. ❤
Saturday: Went shopping and got this awesome necklace as a gift. So me. Then went dancing. Me and salsa got reaquainted. I missed her. Everything below my waist hurts but, oh do I love it. Got to dance (with a partner AND correctly!) to some of my favorite songs! Life complete.
The horizons looks mighty bright when you just focus on what’s good right now and how to make the future better. ❤
I’m writing to let you know that things may not make sense know but they will in future. Remember that time you said “I’ll never forgive him”, well you do. And then you thank him for saving your life and giving you the opportunity to accomplish the things you have.
You will find yourself asking “why do people take advantage me?”. Only you begin to understand its because you let them.
You often look back at pictures of your younger self and wonder where all that youth went. Well it’s still there, it’s right inside you and everything that makes you smile. You just have to reach for it when you need it the most.
You will deal with stress, anxiety, depression & ailments that no young or old person should have to go through. Walk your path with your head held high!
All those times you complimented your parents on their 30 year marriage will come crashing down when they get divorced when your 28 years old. You’ll come to the conclusion they should of did it when you were a child.
You will realize at many points that you deserve much more but you continue to settle for what’s given to you. Settling is not an option if you believe you deserve it or it’s something you want then don’t give up until you get it.
That fairy tale relationship, is just that, a fairy tale. You find yourself at your lowest when you think your not good enough to be married to, or good enough to stay with and make it work. Your lowest will also become the point where you find your fight and strength to move on.
If I could of told you one thing before you went thru all of that “stuff” it would have been to put yourself first, always!
Dear Wanda, I am writing to you to prepare you for your future self. I don’t intend on changing your future as you already believe that your path is already written. Your beliefs are your core and as you change so will your beliefs. Your world will soon change and you will question lots of things in your life. Just know that nothing is your fault and if I could change anything in your future I would tell you to be careful who you get close to when tragic things happen. I wish I could shield you from monsters but maybe this will help you.
Love is an important apart of your life and yes you will find your Prince charming. It may not be the big house with the picket fence and fluffy dog outside but Prince charming none the less. Just remember to love hard and with all your heart and you will know you did your best.
Here comes the hard part. Remember you are a fighter. There will come a time when you have a rough time at life. You may feel defected, broken and even feel like you can’t fight no more. But you must remember your past, remember who you are, what you’ve been through to this point and push through to victory. You will not be alone in this fight but the battle itself is yours alone to win.
I hope this has helped you understand your path without changing your future. And remember 5 minutes is better then no minutes. The path less chosen is the path you always pick.
Lyric of the Week: “All of me loves all of you. I love your curves and all your edges, all your perfect imperfections.” All of Me, John Legend
At the tender age of 11, there are some things that 35 year old me wants to tell you and give you some insight on. Listen up, little me.
First and foremost: STOP LETTING PEOPLE CALL YOU PATTI. You hate it! Speak up and make it stop! Get a voice, girl. You’ll find one in college, but don’t wait until then. The course of your life will change once you find it. Maybe look for it now. You find your courage, too. (Maybe, thanks to that carnelian heart you will start wearing 5 years from now and don’t take off for 3 years. You still have it now, by the way. It’s actually right next to the keyboard as this is being typed. Some things never fade.)
In the years ahead of you, you will grow into your face and your body and your spirit and your intelligence. It’ll flesh out rather nicely, if I do say so myself. So quit worrying and second guessing and hiding. The you you are right now is still here, and all these years later, people learn to appreciate it– most importantly YOU! Don’t listen to the people who doubt you. And stop doubting yourself. Couple gems about that? GO NATURAL. NOW. You’ll thank yourself later for the healthier hair. Exercise. Eat better. But don’t stress that too much either. It’ll get better. And most of those skinny little bitches you envy now (at 11) are, at 35, fat. And wrinkled. And stagnant. Fuck ’em.
Over the next 25 years, you will make all kinds of romantic blunders. The one you like right now doesn’t even factor in your life 12 months from now. Stop following him like lost puppy. Besides, you’ll sleep with him in college and realize he sucks in bed. So sad. You will fall in love many more times and truthfully, darling, they all suck until about age 25. So wipe your tears early and for good. They are just blips. Nothing to stick on. The one who makes you want to die in college, he apologizes later for all he does to you. Genuinely. And when you see his first child, you’ll be ok that it wasn’t yours. Genuinely. And feel nothing but happiness about the whole thing.
When you are 26, You will be given the first of the two best gifts you will ever receive. Your niece– and your nephew comes at 30. You can’t even imagine right now how much they will mean to you. Take notes of what it’s like being 11. Your niece will want to know. And your memory sucks. I can’t wait for you to meet them. There was never a more beautiful sight than their little faces or anything more fun than just being with them.
Time will pass and you will marry the person YOU LEAST EXPECT . . . and then leave him when the love runs out. Maybe rethink that marriage thing? You are at better friends. But–he is the first man to actually love you for you. You will always love him for that. He saw your worth before you did and no one can replace him. You’ll meet another one right after that who makes your world and your heart spin like a damn top. When you meet him– if you don’t heed any other advice– heed this: RUN. RUN like your life depends on it. And use protection. (Cause I know you. Your ass ain’t runnin’. Those eyes will catch you just like they caught me.)
Spend more time with Dad. A lot more. I know, you are always with him and you love every minute of it. But trust me, Patti, when he is gone it won’t have been enough. You will miss him all the time and wish you had more memories. Take more pictures. Take videos. Record his voice, Get him to write you letters. Everything. He is always going to be with you, but you’ll wish you had savored more. Savor it. You will never meet anyone else as kind or cool or important.
Quick tips? Save money. Get better at math. Take chemistry. Pass it. Stay with science. Don’t switch majors. Don’t say yes when you shouldn’t and say no when you should. Get the chicken pox now- it’s UGLY later. Move away from your roommate and cut her off. She’s trouble. Oh, is she trouble. Love big. Don’t forgive everyone and . . . Barb? She’s still a bitch- don’t stress that you hate her.
All in all, you are still kind of lost in 24 years. But you love you. You love life and you are learning to be happy. Look forward to a long eventful road. And take it all in. Remember it. And keep learning. You’ll be ok. You survive.